Had any dreams lately? I’m not talking about the kind you recount over breakfast, but rather the ones that inspire people to do great things… or even simply things that they’ve always wanted to do. As they get older, many people consider dreams the stuff of young folks just starting out, or, maybe, an indulgence reserved for the rich, brilliant — or the hopelessly naïve. They consequently settle into a particular path in life, leaving no place for dreams of any sort. And that, says life coach and regular Daily Health News contributor Lauren Zander, is a huge missed opportunity.
Perhaps you had dreams long ago, but they didn’t turn out as you hoped (the business failed, the love walked away, you stopped playing piano) and you gave up. Or you may have fulfilled your dreams (the business did succeed and love blossomed) and haven’t bothered to invent new ones. Maybe, though, you never had dreams at all. That’s not unusual, says Lauren, because dreaming opens up feelings that put you at risk for being disappointed or hurt. “Living without emotional risk can be comfortable,” says Lauren, “but that’s not where the fun is. Having dreams engages you with life and brings you deeper into it. And dreaming is free!”
A major misconception concerning dreams is that they are about concrete goals, such as owning a home on the beach, being named vice president of your company or marrying your one true love. While there is certainly nothing wrong with any of those, dreaming is much broader, says Lauren. “There are lots of types of dreams. They can be about family, friends, closeness with others, learning to play the flute or to speak Chinese, having fresh adventures, getting in shape, and much, much more,” she says. People tend to dismiss dreaming as impractical, but Lauren believes everyone should dream and challenges each of us to create some dreams to see where they may lead. Yes, it is true that this disrupts the status quo… once you have identified a dream, you alone are the one who can get you there. Then again, pursuing a dream puts you on a shortcut to an improved quality of life. Start with a pen and paper and give yourself permission to think deeply about what you would like.
Here is how to get started on the dream challenge. Identify five or six areas of your life that are most important to you — such as family, work, your body or home, sports, romance, education, leisure time, travel, etc. For each, choose one or two specific goals you can accomplish in the next six months that would make you happy and proud. Family, for instance, could include planning a summer reunion or one extra-special activity with each of your children… your parents… or your siblings. For education, perhaps you want to take a class in contemporary affairs as you contemplate running for local office or maybe you want to improve your skills in digital photography. The dreams you pursue should be attainable, based on ideas that totally excite you. Do be careful, though, that the dreams you are creating for yourself do not capture what you think you should do or achieve. Dreams are what you genuinely want for yourself, and as such they open up emotional attachment to obtaining them. “The right dreams inspire the right actions,” says Lauren.
The very act of putting your dreams into words — or “languaging” them as Lauren calls it — is the crucial first step to believing they are possible to achieve. The next step is to look at how you perceive your dreams as possible or impossible. Don’t be surprised to see cynicism rear its head with dream-blocking thoughts such as “I don’t have the talent to do that” … or “Come on, that would never happen”… “Wow, that’s way too hard”… or , the so common “I can’t afford it.” You can push past these excuses. Lauren points out that even the wealthiest people raise money instead of investing in their own ideas. “So many success stories come from asking for a favor, a loan, a chance,” she says, recounting how a woman she knows always wanted her own jewelry store. “She took a few pieces she had made and asked a store to sell them on consignment — and now her work is being sold in more than 25 stores. Some would say she got lucky — I believe she took a real leap by going in that first store with her bag of ‘stuff’ and asking if they’d take a risk on her.”
You can get past cynicism by keeping faith with your dream and having the confidence to pursue it. “It is the difference between thinking you are going to do this and hoping you might,” says Lauren. “The uncertainty in hope leaves you more scared than energized and happy. Honestly believing in your dream, on the other hand, excites you and makes the work that goes into attaining it fun.” For example, say you decide you are going to take up bicycling. Believing absolutely that you will do this generates an enthusiastic Web search for the right bike and then to find a cycling club in your area. But if you are simply hoping to take up the sport, your Web search will be a low-level priority that you won’t likely devote time or attention to… and then another (sort-of) dream bites the dust.
“Our actions follow our thoughts,” notes Lauren. By making your actions consistent with your dream — for instance, if your dream is to become a gracious host or hostess, preparing two new recipes a week, painting your dining room and collecting tableware — your actions are in fact the fulfillment of dreams. “Through your heartfelt dreams, you can make lasting change in your life,” says Lauren. “I believe that is what life is about, having dreams for what you want and going after them. The better the things you want and strive for, the happier you become.”
