Do you sometimes feel as if life is rushing by in a blur? With so much to accomplish each day, we have little time to sit back and reflect. Many people live in a reactive mode, looking to take care of the next thing that needs to be done rather than selecting what we might prefer for our lives. Lauren Zander, life coach and regular Daily Health News contributor, observes that this is even truer in these tough times because so many of us are working harder and under more stress. But it is possible to calm the rush of life and take control by creating and engaging in meaningful personal rituals.
No, this is not another obligation to add to your over-crowded agenda — your life is already filled with such rituals and noticing them is the first step. Hitting the snooze button three times every morning is a ritual, daily oatmeal for breakfast is a ritual, the endearments you use with your partner or children… these are all rituals, says Lauren. She points out that you will surely find among them at least a few regular and repetitive behaviors that detract from the quality of your life, such as staying up too late… playing computer solitaire instead of working… being perpetually late. It’s totally to your benefit to end unproductive habits that make you feel bad about yourself, but people typically perform such rituals automatically and are not even aware of their existence.
Do you know what yours are? Can you list them? Topics to consider include time, food, your family and colleagues, your style of driving. Do you yell at people on the road, even to yourself? That’s a ritual. Start to feel and observe whether such rituals undermine the quality of your life. We tend to justify those that are unproductive, telling ourselves, “It really doesn’t matter that much [that I’m late]” or “Staying up late won’t hurt [sleep is overrated].”
You can start to change yourself by devoting 10 minutes each morning when you get up and 10 minutes before you go to bed to a review of your rituals, especially negative ones and your excuses for continuing them. For several days, jot down your thoughts and feelings, including justifications, crankiness and complaints. This is how you will begin to understand exactly how these behaviors and justifications keep you stuck in the same life, thinking this is just how it is and who you are. What you probably haven’t realized is how your rituals create your moods.
Putting all this together will make it easier to see the way out. Note whether you dread all you have to do each day… whether you feel anxiety at night about what you didn’t get done. Your non-productive rituals often get in the way of enjoying your life more. A few days of watching your overall mood will give you a view of your internal and emotional state: Are you generally happy… ashamed… frightened? Overall mood is often a reflection of how in control you are of your life and rituals. The better you are at managing your day, the happier and prouder you feel. If, however, you are a “victim” of negative rituals, you’re probably living with feelings of malaise, shame or fear. You may be embarrassed at a deep level by the chasm between the life you want and the one you live.
Now you are ready to transform your 10 morning and evening minutes into rituals that will increase your happiness and satisfaction. Lauren likes to use her morning 10 to give her upcoming day a special intention. For example, she may decide on a particular day to consciously love her family and so to focus on looking for positive, loving ways to demonstrate that throughout the day. You may decide to focus on improving your relationships with your work team… or perhaps bring more cheer to your own day. Lauren suggests identifying each day five things you love about yourself that you are proud of and grateful for — this will engender positive feelings that brighten your day and soothe you in sleep. You can look for ways to be kind to yourself as you go about preparing for work, perhaps playing music in the bathroom or taking a short walk to wake you up and connect you to being alive.
At night you might decide to review and enjoy your accomplishments of the day, keeping in mind these don’t always have to be “productive” in the sense of getting things done. Did you have the kind of day you planned that morning? Did you fall victim to your negative rituals? What will you do differently tomorrow?
This is about transforming old, negative ways of doing and being to new ways that enhance your life, says Lauren. She points out that you can train your inner voice to enhance your well-being rather than present obstacles to it. “Put it to work inventing new rituals that will add to your happiness,” she says. Even the smallest change can make a very big difference — for example, smile at everyone you encounter on your way to work including people you don’t know. Smiling is not only easy, it is contagious and will make your day better as well. Dare yourself to have new adventures. For instance, try a new form of exercise, as this in itself can become a spiritual ritual, one that aligns you with yourself. For people who find it difficult to sit quietly, exercise can also be a form of meditation.
We have a natural tendency to listen to the critical inner voice instead of the positive one. Instead of letting it rattle on, Lauren suggests making note of what you think it is saying — and then you can do something about what is causing it to fret. Decide on one small change, a new ritual that will replace an old one that is not helping you. So, if you find yourself feeling rushed and hectic in the morning, arriving late at work with a bevy of excuses, create a new ritual — get up 15 minutes earlier each day. You will be on time and relaxed, having given yourself a few quiet minutes before you start your busy day. “The number of small changes you can make is endless,” says Lauren, “and they become new rituals that make you feel really good.”
Source: Lauren Zander, life coach and cofounder of the Handel Group, www.handelgroup.com.
