A spouse is behaving oddly — is he having an affair? The woman taking care of your aging parent seems honest — but is she? An old friend has disappeared from your life — whatever happened to him?
Private investigators often are hired to answer these questions, but usually it’s possible to answer them on your own. Bottom Line/Personal asked Vito Colucci, Jr., a leading private investigator, to share his secrets…
Common warning signs that a partner is having an affair…
These are just warning signs. To find out if your spouse is having an affair…
Watch the money. Look for receipts in pockets, wallets, purses or hidden in drawers. Read credit card and checking account statements. Do your partner’s purchases suggest that he/she is eating in romantic restaurants… checking into hotels… shopping at jewelry stores? Is he making large cash withdrawals?
Follow Internet activity. Software programs, such as Spector Pro ($99.95, 888-598-2788, www.spectorsoft.com) can track everything your partner does on the family computer. Is he visiting dating Web sites… sending intimate e-mails… reserving hotel rooms… or shopping for romantic gifts online? These programs also can be used to monitor a child’s Internet use.
Warning: You have a legal right to install surveillance software on a shared family computer, but not on a partner’s individual computer or a laptop owned by your partner’s employer.
Turn your partner’s BlackBerry or Windows Mobile smartphone into a tracking device. Brickhouse Security’s Executrac Mobile GPS Tracker software lets you use a computer to track where your partner (or teenager or employee) goes ($29.95 plus $19.95 per month, 800-654-7966, www.brickhousesecurity.com). If your partner does not have a smartphone or BlackBerry, you could provide one as a gift.
Free alternative: Automatic highway toll-payment systems, such as E-ZPass and FasTrak, send monthly or quarterly activity reports. Jot down where your partner claims to be at given times, then compare with the toll reports.
Confirm location claims. If you doubt your partner’s claim that he/she is on a business trip or working late at the office, phone that location — not your partner’s cell phone — and ask for your partner. If your partner is there, explain that you were unable to get through to his cell phone and provide a legitimate reason for calling.
Example: “Did I leave my credit card in your car? It’s not in my wallet.”
Whether you’re hiring a housekeeper, a nanny for your kids or a caregiver for your aging parent, you want someone you can trust.
Vet the applicant’s references, not just the applicant. Some dishonest applicants ask friends or family members to pose as former employers and give glowing reviews when potential new employers call. To combat this, don’t ask references just for their opinions of the applicant — also ask questions that get at the details of the working relationship. Compare the references’ answers with what the applicant told you.
Examples: When did you hire this person? How long did he work for you? What were his specific responsibilities? With nannies, also ask how many children were cared for and their ages.
It’s unlikely that the reference will have all of the details straight if the recommendation is phony.
If the reference is local and you have the address, drive by the home — does it look like the house of someone who could afford to hire in-home help?
Have a criminal background check conducted. Here, you do need a private investigator. Expect to pay $100 to $200 for a nationwide search. There are Internet companies that provide criminal background checks for less than $20, but these are unlikely to be comprehensive.
Install a hidden camera. Logitech’s Spy Video Security Master System is a great way to keep tabs on your in-home help while you’re out. It’s easy to install, and the camera is well-hidden in an innocuous desk clock ($329.99, 800-231-7717, www.wilife.com).
Warning: Do not hide a security camera in a bathroom or anywhere where an employee might be expected to undress. Doing so could get you sued for invasion of privacy. If you hide a camera in your parent’s shared nursing-home room, make sure that roommates’ beds aren’t visible in the frame.
Finding a long-lost friend can be challenging, particularly if the name is a common one… or she has married and taken the spouse’s last name.
Search online. Google the name. Try nicknames, too. If you know additional information — a profession or lifelong hobby, for instance — try adding this to your Google search.
Example: If you remember that your old friend was passionate about distance running, search “Larry Smith” and “marathon” or “10k.”
Also check the social-networking site Facebook.com (click on “Find Friends” at the bottom of the sign-up page).
Search for family members. If you can’t find your friend, try looking for his relatives. They might be easier to find, and they’ll likely know where your friend is. Look up your friend’s last name in the phone book of his former hometown, then call those who share the name to see if they are related.
Search the local newspaper for obituaries for your friend’s parents. Obits often list the names and current hometowns of surviving relatives.
Contact professional organizations and licensing bodies related to your friend’s line of work. They might have a database of members.
