“Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero”—Marc Brown, author of the Arthur book series.
I am not sure if my brother views himself as a superhero, but little does he know that he is one of my superheroes. I don’t think I’ve ever told him so. We are as different as different could be. I am competitive, physical, results-oriented and fairly expressive about my views and feelings. My brother, Sam, on the other hand, is analytical, more withholding of his opinions, musically gifted and the gentlest, most caring, most loyal soul who ever walked the planet.
Sam is two years older than me. When we were young, he and I traveled in totally separate social circles. It really wasn’t until we were adults and working together at our family business that I truly got to know him—and appreciate the love and intelligence that are Sam.
In high school, Sam was always happy to help me with my math or science homework, but we never hung out together. At work, he frequently is my go-to guy when I need to discuss technically complex data analytics and marketing results trends. No matter what I ask, Sam is always patient with his answers and makes me feel safe. And isn’t that what people really look for in their superheroes? A safe space and someone who can help protect them. While he is not a kung fu warrior, Sam always provides a judgment-free space for me (and for our sister), and for that, I consider myself incredibly lucky.
As the Internet celebrates “Brother’s Day” this week (May 24), I would like to also celebrate the
bigger broader forms of brothers that go beyond genetics and bloodlines. By that I mean the ones we choose because they are equally important to our social construct. Just as women choose sisters throughout their lives, there are the brothers you are born with and the brothers that men choose—military brothers…scouting brothers…fraternity brothers…sports-team brothers…summer-camp brothers…or simply the BFF who lived next door when you were young.
These are not blood brothers, but nonetheless, they are deeply connected and committed to one another—superheroes in their worlds, banding together to protect the individuals and the group, providing support and safe spaces for the members. And I think, most important, they are able to connect with one another to share boy humor…punch a brother in the arm…scratch, sniff and work through the challenges of their unique worlds. Sometimes boys need to be with boys and men need to be with men. It is important for men to share time with other men—it’s how they learn to be men. Boys need male role models in their lives to learn how to be strong, responsible and honorable.
So here’s the challenge. What about the brotherhood of man with whom we share this planet Earth? If my brother, Sam, is a superhero to me and fraternal male clubs have their unique connections, isn’t there a role and responsibility for brothers to stick together in a bigger sense?
The lyrics of a song in the classic Broadway show How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying remind us that…
There is a brotherhood of man
A benevolent brotherhood of man
A noble tie that binds
All human hearts and minds
Into one brotherhood of man
Where I talk about brothers protecting brothers and creating safe spaces in which they all can flourish, I believe it is the goal of humanity to help others to flourish. I don’t mean to indulge or enable or create nanny states. I mean to be the superhero who encourages and respectfully helps everyone stand on his/her own and work together powerfully and confidently.
Each day we hear of tragedies in which there were cries for help, but no one listened. What is driving young people to shoot their peers?
And every day, I know that we also have examples of people crossing all sorts of barriers to help in any way they can. Sadly, many of the most shining examples of this occur after tragedies—floods, famines, wildfires, volcanoes. For a brief moment after each of these disasters, mankind comes back together and puts aside all differences.
Remember those moments after 9/11 when the country was united and purely supportive of all? How about the images of neighbors helping neighbors after Hurricane Harvey hit Houston last year? There was no racial or political divide—instead, humans helped humans. We can call on those moments as reminders of how great it feels when we move past our insecurity, competitiveness and human frailties and are simply one another’s superheroes.
If there is one thing my sweet big brother has taught me it’s the power of love. Competing with each other in the name of mine-is-better-than-yours or yours-is-different-from-mine does nothing to support the family that is mankind. Sure, differences exist—thankfully. If we were all clones, we would fail as a civilization. It’s those differences in our viewpoints and skills that give us strength. Superhero strength, if you will.
Thank you, brothers.
